Kelly Clarkson: My December [RCA]

Entertainment Weekly says: “Recent management changes and her cancelled tour have furthered the assumption that December must be a train wreck. It's not. There's real artistry blossoming on this, the boldest and best effort ever by an Idol star.”

Slant Magazine says: “The press about the album… would have us believe that My December is some radical departure for Clarkson, but it's really just a logical progression – if not exactly a refinement – of the fingerless-gloved rock-chick persona the singer has created for herself in the years since her crowning as the premier American Idol.”

We say: “So, Miss Independent flips off Clive Owen, fires her management and finally makes a record her way – with honest, self-penned songs about her recent heartbreak. Good for her! It's just too bad we don't give a shit. Come on, nobody is buying Kelly Clarkson albums for the tortured introspection and personal exorcism. We buy them for the smash hits with karaoke choruses – and since summer sing-alongs are obviously absent from My December, we'll save our money for Rihanna singles.”

READ MORE…

Tonal Irreverence is, in short, a weekly summary of new (and new-ish) music releases, the print and e-buzz surrounding them, followed by our honest opinions…without the pretentious crap that often accompanies in unneccessarily long reviews. We’re not music journalists…we just love music. Period.

This week: The White Stripes, Art Brut, The Polyphonic Spree, Battles and Rihanna.

***

The White Stripes: Icky Thump [Warner Bros]

New Musical Express says: “[Icky Thump] was recorded over the course of a practically-gargantuan three weeks in Nashville’s Blackbird Studio, and addresses the problem most people had with its predecessor by dispensing with the sombre piano balladry and replacing it with snarling, hellbound guitars and a healthy dollop of gleeful perversity.”

New York Times says: “The White Stripes aren't preservationists; they're magical utilitarians. Authenticity, in and of itself, seems to bore them. They're on a far more selfish mission, smelting down favorite bits of English-language culture for their own ends. Here these include Led Zeppelin, perfumed '50s pop, Celtic folk song and the blues, which Mr. White plays with an electronic pitch shifter. (The White Stripes' junk cart would have spinner rims.)”

Tiny Mix Tapes says: “People gawk at the monuments The White Stripes construct. Loitering teens vandalize them with aerosol spray and gum wads. Others take photographs in front of them, smiling and with thumbs-up. In the end, no wear-and-tear will tarnish these monuments. They are sturdy, virtually indestructible testaments. They are impressive, breathtaking at turns, and everlastingly present. They will go on to rival D.C., Greece, Rome, Egypt, and even Led Zeppelin.”

We say: “God, just shut up, already. This is rock and roll, motherfuckers.”

READ MORE…