You R funny. I’d like door number 1. Going for the gold. xxoo sSs

You call that sweet talk? BRING ITTTTTTTTTTT.

Josh, judging from your twitter avatar, I was wondering if I could get you to do some modeling work. We have a line of ski masks that I think you would be perfect for. Let me know if you’re available.

Josh, I assume you’re giving these away because your Sh^% comes out plated in gold, smelling like flowers, and doing your dishes for you. Get that lilly white a$% off your pansy Eos plane ride and back to the cheap-a*% planes that we all fly on like Southwest. While you’re at it, I’d love it if your torn jeans would sign an autograph for me at your next “I wish I was iJustine” convention.

Who let you into TED? Isn’t that for innovators?

My journalistic balls would be swollen exponentially by the awesomeness of owning one of these.

Josh you hot-lovin’, sexy-promising, fire-eating, steamfluffing worksweating mindnumbing soft-as-tulip floating kisses hard bodied hug monster. Give me a jawbone and your bone will get whispers through the phone.

Josh is the sweetest and most handsome boss EVER.

I’d go for the gold, but it’s really not my color, so maybe you can keep it, melt it down, and use it to fill a tooth?

Black is sexy, I dig it for sure, but honestly, I have a hard time being chatty, having dirty sex talk with a dude; even if you are asking for it. Sorry, not me.

White…well…I wish it were silver, it’s more my style, but since this comment is full of trash talk I think it will fit me fine.

Hey Josh, you want dirty? That dirty Jawbone isn’t anywhere close to as dirty as Heather’s underwear on a Sunday morning!

My dearest Josh,

How is my sweet lovely one on this day?

My dearest darling love. I really want you to know that I love you with all my heart.

What person in their sane mind could resist your mysterious black eyes which remind me of pools of crude oil. If your eyes really produces that stuff then lets go into the oil business. Oh darling, we could be really rich!

Your stunning black hair is something to be admired by all. I love the way it shines in the sun like a pool of freshly laid tar. I know tar stinks, but your hair doesn’t, darling.

I love going to the local cafeteria with you. Its great to just sit there and talk to each other, and sometimes listen in on other people’s conversations. I love it how you can manage to eavesdrop on the most quietest tables, and then blurt out all their secrets really loud!

My love for you is sweeter then sugar, and there is no other love for me ….well OK, I guess I also love my mobile phone which I always love using to send you txt flirts with. Remember that time I sent you a rude txt flirt and I accidentally sent it to your Father?! And remember that time we were making out, and I had to leave in a hurry so I threw the phone at you, and said “Set it to vibrate and finish yourself off!”? You see love, it does have its other uses, but thats besides the point. My point is that I love you and my love for you is unique (isn’t it weird how the word ‘unique’ and ‘eunuch’ sound the same? The word Unix also sounds similar, but ‘Chimpanzee’ doesn’t)

I really must tell you though, I absolutely adore your gorgeous smile! I think if God created something truly amazing, then its definitely gotta be your smile! I know some people say the same thing about horses and giraffes, but I think your smile exceeds anything else!

My love, you know what would look hot and vibrant on that beautiful body of yours? Leather underwear! Oh God, if I saw you wearing those I would simply explode into a heap of sparks with joy! (By the way that was a figure of speech, cos I wouldn’t ACTUALLY spontaneously combust, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to appreciate your lovely body in Leather underwear).

Always thinking of you, sweet cheeks!

Yours tenderly and lovingly,

F
PS and you know that gold jawbone would go great with my hair!

Other bloggers are like sucrose. Sure, they’re pretty sweet, but they’re unexceptional. You, Josh, are the lugduname of the web – 225,000 times as sweet! Hey, geeks can sweet-talk too.

Hey sexy is that a jawbone in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Not crazy about his phone, but I sure like his bone (his jawbone that is)

This contest has turned everyone on to licking Josh’s ass, figuratively.

I’ll lick it literally. Call me from your Jawbone, we’ll sched putting your bone to my jaw.

XXXO,
K

For the black:
I think Phil Collins got it right when he wrote that song about you. You know, the one that’s like “You can’t dance/ You can’t talk/ Only thing about you is the way you’re a fatty and you’re probably full of crap and your mom is loose and you ain’t got game and bitch, please/ You can’t dance…” I’m pretty sure that’s how it goes.

For the gold (a pair of haikus and another haiku reviewing my first two):
Josh, I would give up
Flavor of Love for a month
to have your sweet bod

Your smooth low voice leaves
Normal guys in the hopeless
passionate love-rage

A is okay, but
B is kind of weird and it’s
vaguely threatening

For the black:
Let’s bone.

Whoops. I mix up my colors sometimes. I’m sure you can sort it out.

You’re so sweet you give me cavities.

uh…that’s for the gold one, in case you couldn’t decide

So you decided to recede from a future of written integrity (Journalism) to a future of written chaos (Web 2.0)? Was it because you lacked the skills and ingenuity or because you just didn’t want to have to express your opinions through a respectful publication? You know what they say, opinions are like a**holes, everyone has one and they all stink:)

Hope you can guess what that one is for

What up, herb? You think you’re something? You think this blog is your digital magnum opus? Whats it like being an unrecognizable, loafer-wearing, latte inhaling materialistic drone masquerading as a preeminent virtuoso on one of life’s most worthless endeavours- style. What your daily intertube thread represents is in direct contradiction with it’s most defining purpose- style is individuality; style is unique. Looking up unknown Sao Paulo bands or wearing the headiest, all eco-friendly fashion doesn’t give someone style- it puts them in line to be like everyone else trafficking this site and the thousands like it. You ain’t shit, Josh. You’re not even washed up; you never were. Be a true pioneer, a true leader and be the first to stop the self illusion and take down your miserable failed attempt at a blog. blog: rhymes with “josh-spears-retarded-shit-no-one-cares-about-og.”

-Lucas

PS. I frequent your site daily.

Oh snap, homie, I thought you had that soul-patch glued on better than that.

You’re a sucker M.C.
No need to test me
I’ll bitchslap this blog
like it’s IE3
Your feed is too feedy
Your posts are too needy
I winning this for sheezy
Cause I twittered that you’re skeezy

Word.

Dirty Talk:
Why be a honky when you can be funky!

The boy stood on the burning deck
Eating pickles by the peck
Along came a girl all dressed in blue
And she wanted a pickle too!

Dirty Talk

Josh,

I’ll go bling bling classy sweety, stating Jay-Z on this one “Je t’adore”.
Joli coeur, you and I should get connected, no string attached, wireless then, Chéri, get us that champagne, sweet like macaron jawbone, I wanna talk to you.
Excuse my french mon joli catchy trendy ami…mais ta couleur , ton style et ton coeur me font craquer.

ponies

mud

oscar the grouch

Hi Josh …
I really need you here once in a while … it doesn’t even matter when or how. You don’t even need to bring me something special or to stop by. Just call me. Don’t speak and I can still hear your silence in the other side of the phone call. It is enough. Your silence. Really. I don’t need anything else beside your silence in the other side. But I need you. Call me.

(Sweet Talk)

Josh, I’d fuck the shit out of you if I still had my hands… oh god, my hands.

Just send me the Damn Ear piece! My old got cracked up and I need a new one! Fuck, it really doesn’t matter which one you send, I just need one that let’s me hear, working around trains. Send it already!

Your’re the sexy beast, that makes me want to dance to the dirty rhythm of your heartbeat!

Josh-

If you weren’t so obscure, you’d probably have a few more comments on this thread. Not only did I have to scour the ends of the internet, go through fifty five thousand broken links to get here, but now I’m here and still couldn’t tell you who you are. I guess trash talk is the only way to get there, and having come this far, there’s no going back.

I am superior to you in every way. My shit smells better than the cologne you put on in the morning (or is that your BO?). I was smarter than you in the embryo, and I am exponentially smarter with every breath I take. In terms of appearance, see the first part of this, as I truly believe that I expel excrement that would garner more compliments than the best picture you could ever take of yourself.

I’ll talk to you soon, if you can pull yourself out of the pit of obscurity, self depair, and self pity that you’re obviously drowning in.

And your momma wears combat boots.

On this cool, crisp sunny day
Through the glass I saw your face
Your muscular build attracted me
You smiled at me and I smiled back, I knew

We were brought together in an embrace
The warm shower cools your body
I massage every inch of your body
You moan for my touch

As time passes you lost your balls
Your muscles are now just flabs
You are weak, pathetic, and a loser
Smacking you is pointless,You just kept at it

I miss you Fido, my imaginary dog

i can quite possibly say that you are, frankly the most awesome person alive. probably the most awesome person, EVER!! i mean, sweet talkin’ is an understatement, because this is pure FACT!

@–>—>—-

Your page layout is pretty hot. Mind if I post a comment? It’s okay? Good.
So you like it when I post comments on your blog? Yeah? Right there?
How about here?
I’ll just type a little here, maybe a little more. You want more?
I can do that for you.
How’s that? Dirtier? Alright.
Your reader base is soooo big, and amazing.
I’m using my ThinkPad trackpoint, it can get very sensitive.
Oh man, you’ve got me about to click send. . .
Just about there . . .
A little down to the right . . .

sweet talk: candy, ice cream, soda pop, cake, pie, pudding.

dirty talk: grime, filthy, squalor, raunchy, greasy, nasty, sordid

trash talk: disparage, belittle, pick at, knock, criticize, , denigrate, derogate

Sexy talk: Dear Jawbone, I must have you, like sweet delicious candy… I eye you slowly up and down, to see if you measure up; then i try on your different buds, caressing them, feeling them, . I gently insert the right ear clip, and I talk for hours, keeping you hot until I finally put you down for the night, exhausted but satisfied.

just want you to know how much I love your voice. Soft,sexy, jazzy.
I have all your CDs and listen to them all the time!
I am even thinking of starting a local Joss Stone fan club!
Would be so cool getting one of these from you!
WOW!!!!

(………)

You’d be able to hear me better if I was talking into a Jawbone headset.

Hey Josh,

are you irish cause my penis us dublin

Municipal Solid Waste (MSW)

MSW—more commonly known as trash or garbage—consists of everyday items such as product packaging, grass clippings, furniture, clothing, bottles, food scraps, newspapers, appliances, paint, and batteries.

In 2006, US residents, businesses, and institutions produced more than 251 million tons of MSW, which is approximately 4.6 pounds of waste per person per day.

Several MSW management practices, such as source reduction, recycling, and composting, prevent or divert materials from the wastestream. Source reduction involves altering the design, manufacture, or use of products and materials to reduce the amount and toxicity of what gets thrown away.

Recycling diverts items, such as paper, glass, plastic, and metals, from the wastestream. These materials are sorted, collected, and processed and then manufactured, sold, and bought as new products.

Composting decomposes organic waste, such as food scraps and yard trimmings, with microorganisms (mainly bacteria and fungi), producing a humus-like substance.

Other practices address those materials that require disposal. Landfills are engineered areas where waste is placed into the land. Landfills usually have liner systems and other safeguards to prevent groundwater contamination. Combustion is another MSW practice that has helped reduce the amount of landfill space needed. Combustion facilities burn MSW at a high temperature, reducing waste volume and generating electricity.

going for the white one here, aka trash talk.

WTF, MATE……what is with the design. The eff-ing design seems like it only works on people whose right ears are functional or better yet, people who have A RIGHT EAR. WFT, mate…I can’t hear anything from my right ear. I need a left ear version. Nonetheless, i want it. Effing designer

Trash Talk for Interaction Designers:

Your touch screen UI is unpleasantly sticky and your control layout is jejeune.

Good luck getting your prize.

the sweet talk headset would allow me more time and flexibility to devote to my sweet heart!!!!!

if i don’t win, it will be something i look forward to seeing in retail stores in the near future

thanks for the the invention.

You are Sexy.

PLs can I have any color it doesnt matter!

Dirty Talk: Describing the experience of a Jawbone

I’ve heard you before but can’t recall where. Your sleek, ultra-tiny, black piece just fits inside me like a glove, it’s everything I’ve ever imagined it would be. You know when you hit the spot too, you hear me moan, gasp for breath, pause, recompose, shivers down my spine, you know I’m ready when I pull out the scented oil, candles and ice cubes for my loins. “Don’t tease me like that” I plead. You tell me to hush so the neighbors won’t hear our misdeeds, all it takes is a few seconds of me pressing against you to silence us from the world around us. Again, we’re alone, hugged ever so tightly around each other, but with such intensity you’re start to pull out. Alas, I easily insert you back inside, and I can again hear your heartbeat.

If I don’t get, I’ll do you like R. Kelly did that little girl… and I ain’t talking about the statutory.

Josh..

I know you want to give me a jawbone;

that is,

my jaw, your bone.

What did the black jawbone say to the sexy blonde trying out the other headsets ONCE YOU GO BLACK BABY YOU NEVER GO BACK

This is ridiculous. I think we all know the black one should be the biggest. “I got some grown man game for your bluetooth.”

Yo, check this out.

Yo mama is SO fat, that when she heard you were giving away jawbones, she got hungry.

White Trash Talk, we’re freaking made for each other, baby!

“@#*&!!” right back at you, White Trash Talk!

And why would i even want one of those pieces of shit?

mmmm ! would love you to wrap yourself around my ear and talk dirty to me …

Dirtaay Talk…

Mi Amor, your figure is that of a goddess, when I look upon you it sends a charge through my body that awakens my senses and makes me want to tear apart that dark outer outfit that protects that voluptuous body. The heat that permeates within me is uncontrollable and only drives my impatience to hold you within my grasp. Please put out the fire that you have aroused within my body. I long to hold you and feel your cool embrace as I enter your domain. Jawbone Dirty Talk you are amazing……

Machete

To be honest, I tried. I thought and planned and worked out a billion different ways to say it, buuuuuut, I just can’t do it. Your just so… revolting, I can’t put it into words… just visiting this page tonight is going to give me nightmares like I have never had before…. I’m ashamed to have the same first name as you, I shudder every time I hear it… It’s so bad I’m applying for a change of name, soon as I get the time…

Nice headset. Wanna fuck?

I’m not a rapper I just like to talk trash
me compete for a bluetooth, josh kiss my ass

Um – being a guy – it’s kinda difficult to go for the black sexy one – but I’ll give it a go, nonetheless…

I don’t know what to tell ya man – I’m not gay – nor am I planning on going that way – but if I DID – I’ll be all over you like stink on a monkey.

SEXY Talk

Mmmmm. That DIRTY one is YUMMY!!! My “straw” reaches acrooooooossssss the room …I…drink…your…milkshake. Ssluuuuuurrrpp!!! I DRINK IT UP!

Josh’s Jawbones so dirty Christina Augilera wouldn’t put it in her ear….

You like Club Salads…

Man, I fucking love you.
-Trash talk complete-

Hey Josh, wanna play an army game…? Lay down on the ground and I’ll blow your brains out.

Give me a f*cking white one. A**hole.

I’m all alone
thinking of your jawbone..

it’d be hot with my phone
so hot i’d moan..

delighted with that tone.
Just hope you’re in my zone!

I hate the way you blog to me,

and the way you breath hot air.

I hate the way you take your time,

I hate it when you care.

I hate your big dumb sellout ads

and the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick,

it even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way you’re always right,

I hate it when you pry.

I hate it when you make me laugh,

even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it when you’re not around,

and that you love you above all.

But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,

not even close…

not even a little bit…

not even at all.

Who’s got it down, who sets the theme
he’s just an ArtifactHound, that’s what I mean.

Cruisin’ that cyberspace, searchin’ what’s cool
he’s his own best man, his own best tool.

Give ‘em a hand, your best yo dawg,
sittin’ there updatin’ his nasty little blog.

I can’t afford it, it’s all too rich
but he keeps on bloggin’, that little haute bitch.

Never say never, one of these days,
I’ll have that shit, when someone else pays.

So keep on goin’, Josh ole’ boy,
and send me that Trash Talk, that’s my toy.